I Stayed With Myself

There are still moments my mind tries to convince me that something’s wrong.

One change of plan.
One shift in energy.
And the thoughts start flooding in:
You’re not good enough. You’re not wanted. You’ve messed this up.

It’s so familiar I almost don’t catch it.

This is the part of me that learned early to shut down.
To retreat before I could be left.
To pull away so I wouldn’t have to feel the sting of being “not good enough” again.

I’ve worked on this.
I’ve named it, traced it, unpacked it.

But healing doesn’t mean it disappears.
It just means you see it for what it is — a pattern. A memory. A protective habit that no longer needs to run your life.

And I’m getting better at catching it.

I didn’t let it take over the conversation.
I didn’t disconnect to feel in control.
I paused.
I stayed with myself long enough to ask:
Is this real, or is this mine?

That’s what I’m learning to do now.
Not perform “okayness.”
Not collapse into the feeling.
But take full responsibility for what I’m bringing — and meet it with honesty, not shame.

I don’t need to be perfect.
I just need to be present.
And I’m allowed to feel the trigger without acting from it.

That’s what self-leadership looks like.
That’s the new story I’m creating.