When the Old You Still Shows Up

After I left a toxic relationship, I went through a long season of being done.
Done with chaos.
Done with mixed signals.
Done with calling something love when deep down I knew it wasn’t.

I had a daughter to raise. I had parts of myself to come back to. So I closed that chapter — not just for her, but for me.

And for a while, I stayed in that space. Focused. Protective. I wasn’t available for anything that might pull me back into those old patterns.

But then — slowly, quietly — something shifted.

The desire returned.

The part of me that wanted to connect, to feel, to love again — she started to wake up. And I let her.

Because just doing the work doesn’t mean you stop wanting. And just because you’re open to something new doesn’t mean the old patterns won’t try to rise again.

Just because you're growing doesn't mean the old version of you won’t still make an appearance.

She does.
She has.

She’s the part of me that used to fear being abandoned, so she tried to control situations, overcompensate, and make herself indispensable.

She stayed too long.
Settled for less than she deserved.
Ignored her own intuition — her own knowing.
Abandoned herself just to feel chosen.

She chased love that couldn’t see her, just to feel like she mattered to someone.

But what’s different now is — I see her. And I don’t let her drive.

I notice the thoughts.
I feel the pull.
And I choose again — from the woman I’ve become, not the girl I used to be.

Because I know what I want now.
I know what I’m calling in.
I know the kind of love I’m available for — and the kind I’m not.

And that knowing changes everything.

Even when the old you knocks on the door, you don’t have to let her in.
You can greet her with compassion.
You can listen without obeying.
You can notice without pushing her away.

That’s growth.
That’s power.
That’s what reclaiming your truth actually looks like.